I went to the Tate Modern in old Laaandon taaaaan this week.
I fought it might be nice to get sum culchure.
I urd abaaat this bint wot does well weird stuff - Tracy Eminem. Apparently she done singing while sittin' on 'er bed and wearing a mask like that bloke wot did Friday 13th movies Jason?...Donovan I think. Any road up. She weren't even there - and 'er "art" is like well rubbish.
I also popped in Snots museum to see Woolly man mouth bone. While I was there I noticed Artichicks exhibition. It's alright if you're 5 year old and you like sticking stuff and that. Personally I prefers dot to dot.
Next week I am going to see sum stuff by that Damian Hoist fella - him wot cut a dodo in half and said "That's art!" (pillock)
Well I was asked by Franco to check out the talents of this new cover band on the local scene, so I partook in some `erbal gymnastics whilst listening to some hendrix to gets me in the mood like! After a little session I jumped on the back of my magic dinosaur and flew on down to the hottest rock n beer venue in town! I can sense a good vibe from the crowd as I walk in, the night is young (except for a couple of elderly geezers at the bar) and there`s a blues rockin` goin` on!
Rick 'The Reverend Holden', the lead singer, oozes confidence, flirting with the crowd, he puffs out his toned, god like chest and howls like a deranged clergyman, eyes bulging, he has them all eating from his outstretched hand, tonight Rick Holden is holdin' your soul!
The music pounds through my very bones edging me closer to my inner nirvana! Classic after classic they seduce my hungry ears like a ravenous slobbering bulldog! Bass man Phil 'Wolfman' Burgess struts around like a dog with the biggest balls on the block, fashioning a beautiful pair of man-whiskers either side of his chiselled cheek bones! Lemmy, on your knees brother, Big bad Phil`s in charge now! These guys know their blues rock n roll and the delivery is like a clinical tyson knock-out punch! Step forward the one and only Paul 'Chezza' Cherry, sporting a humorous t-shirt advertising his love for lady dumplings! his manly charm and cheeky twinkle in his eye makes it obvious he`s not short of offer`s at the after-show party! Watch out! here comes Lee 'The General" Muckley eyes fixated on his fret board unfazed by the leather clad groupies giving him the come on! tonight he`s setting their souls on fire! Then it hits me like steam train this pounding in my head just wont stop, and I don't want it to! I catch a glimpse of the drummer the one they simply call "rhythm", Mr Simon Render! Like an out of control steam train, his sticks in hand blurring, and distorting and weaving patterns against the bands backdrop! Then out of the blue Rick calls out to his children, "This is the last one!" "No!" I cry, this cant be! Lord why must you torture us?" As the final chord rings out, a deafening cheer fills the building! Tonight they came!, and my, they played! And my god they most certainly conquered The only shame was I never got chance to meet the illusive Eddie Manson. I`d like to think he was tucked away in the corner maybe in disguise nodding his wise fatherly head, and slapping his leg in time to the music! Alas I will never know. As I was stumbling home I felt a warm glow around me like a soft blanket of hope. They call that the spirit of rock n roll my friends!
Well, I awoke the next morning, still fully clothed after the best night of my life and as I gazed bleary eyed and damp crotched, into my bathroom mirror, I find a little something pinned to the lapel of my jacket, its only an Eddie Manson and the disciples badge! I tell you now I will treasure this wonderful token forever!
Rick did mention a debut E.P. coming out soon! So listen out for that all you good, good people! And remember...keep on rockin'!